lucieRebekahh

Friday 27 October 2017

Group Therapy for Anxiety: My Experience

lucyRebekahh October 27, 2017 0 Comments

So this is something I was incredibly reluctant to share however, I then realised that the fear was me sinking into a mindset I work hard to help people out of. All of my volunteering is based around helping to remove the sigma surrounding mental health and giving people the confidence to speak up and seek support! Therefore, I thought it would be silly of me not to share my own experience in hope that it gives someone else the confidence they need to get help too.

How it all started:

So a month ago I started group therapy for my Anxiety and this was a massive thing for me. I had originally been offered therapy when I was in sixth form however, was very quick to shut it down as the mention of it terrified me. However, fast forward a few years and I finally bucked up the courage to head back to the doctors and accept it, knowing that I couldn't put it off any longer.

When I stepped into that building on my first session, I didn't know what to expect. I had already stood outside for a good 20 minutes, debating with myself if I should just turn around and leave... however, I didn't. I pushed myself to do it and I am so glad that I did.

My expectations & experience in a group:

I know for many (and for myself) the mention of group therapy can feel incredibly daunting. Why would anyone want to sit in a room with other people and have to talk about all of your problems? I hate even mentioning when I'm feeling a little low to my own friends and family so why would I tell strangers?

This was a thought that continued to run through my head right up until the end of my first session when I came out feeling so high spirited and like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Sitting in that room with 5 other people (and two therapists) was not as scary as I had built it up to be and instead had been incredibly reassuring. I went from feeling alienated and as though I was the only one feeling that way, to feeling much more reassured.

Every session I grew more and more confident in what I was doing and more sure that my fear of group therapy had all been for nothing. It felt great to listen to what other people had to say and to see that we were really all in the same boat.

The mention of a group had been the aspect that had put me off for years however, it ended up being nothing to worry about. Instead, it had been something I enjoyed and looked forward to every week instead! Therefore, if group therapy is something you're put off about, then just give it a try and I promise that you'll be pleasantly surprised.

The Course Content:

In the 4 weeks we covered a range of different material but nothing got too personal. That was my biggest fear when it came to the group as I wasn't too keen on sharing my personal life with anyone (little lone strangers). Therefore, I was reassured when the aim of these particular sessions was to provide tips and resources to help deal with the anxiety, rather than our own experiences.

They were always so open for us to share our own personal concerns however, this wasn't forced on us either. It was the perfect balance.

The course was based around CBT and every week we were provided with a booklet full of information and useful ways to help ourselves. Some of the topics/resources that were covered included:

The vicious cycle (ABC)
Worry Diary
Setting goals
Classifying worries
Worry Time
Autonomic symptoms and managing them (briefly covering panic attacks)
Refocus practice and abdominal breathing
Problem solving

Each session was only 1 hour long so everything was covered fairly briefly however, we were always given 'homework' tasks. This just gave us chance to work on anything they had talked about in the session and practice using the resources they were providing us with.

To conclude:

I completely appreciate that group therapy isn't for everyone however, it is definitely something I would advise trying out. Although everything we covered was incredibly brief and on a very un-personal level, this can be enough for some people.

I found everything I learned in these sessions incredibly useful and will definitely be using them from now on. However, they were also very aware that after 4 weeks of group therapy you were not going to be 'cured', it doesn't work like that.

Therefore, don't think that group therapy has to be it. If you do try it out, you can always move on to one-on-one afterwards to touch on topics that are a little more personal to you.

Tuesday 19 September 2017

Anxiety: Your Own Worst Enemy

lucyRebekahh September 19, 2017 0 Comments

Making plans and getting excited. Dreading them the day before or chickening out and changing your mind. Reaching for opportunities but turning them down when they are passed your way. Constantly battling with your anxious self that ruins every chance to have fun or do something different. Constantly feeling angry that you are and will always be your own worst enemy.

Anxiety comes in lots of different forms and falls in a range of places on a spectrum however, one thing they all have in common, is that you are always your own worst enemy. One day you can make a plan that you'll feel so much joy and excitement for but when it very quickly comes around, you feel nothing but fear. It doesn't make sense and there is no logical explanation for it but that anxious part of your mind is on high alert and nothing you do can control it.

Trying to explain to someone why you suddenly don't feel up to doing something can feel utterly impossible. How can you explain something that you don't even understand yourself?

The idea of getting up, getting ready and heading out and spending the day away from your comfort spot, suddenly feels like the worst and most terrifying experience. You could be travelling 5 minutes down the road or you could be travelling an hour. It doesn't matter. The fear will feel the same.

There may be many occasions where you have been incredibly excited about something, whether that be a day out or an opportunity being passed your way however, it doesn't take long for that excitement to be destroyed. You start to feel physically sick and overwhelmed with dread. Your heart begins beating so fast and you suddenly feel a sense of danger.

Nothing has changed, everything is as safe as it previously was but you just feel anxious. You start to fear it and start to only see the negatives and potential dangers - your mind becomes consumed as it considers every possible risk associated with whatever it is you're doing.

This dread leads to avoidance and avoidance is one of the biggest issues when dealing with anxiety. It's a safety behaviour used to to feel secure and in control again, to help you cope however, in reality it does the total opposite.

Feeling anxious about general life is another one of those issues that just never makes any sense. Waking up every single day with a feeling of dread about nothing in particular and not being able to comprehend what is even running through your mind. Not being able to sleep at night because you suddenly remind yourself of everything that is wrong and everything that you should be worrying about rather than soaking it up and making the best of it.

One thing that is consistent though, is the constant buzz in your mind which never gives you a break. The ability to relax and to just take some time to yourself becomes utterly impossible when you can't block out the many thoughts bouncing around and trying to cause you worry.

It's a constant battle with yourself to try and push them away, only to make them come back harsher and more terrifying.

That overwhelming experience when you are sat in a silent room but your mind just won't rest. You try your hardest to think of nothing and just block out every single thing that pops into your mind but it becomes impossible.

It's unbearable because all you want and need to do is rest but even if you're not physically moving you still feel so exhausted. Your body may not be working but your mind is on full alert and it never seems to stop.

Although it's so difficult to comprehend and explain as you can't quite make sense of it yourself, that just highlights the worst part of the whole experience. You are always going to be your own worst enemy. Nothing is happening around you to cause the dread, fear and panic, it's constantly in your own mind; they are your own thoughts that surely you should be able to control?

It sounds like the solution should be simple when you look at it that way. 'Just stop thinking about it. Stop letting the thoughts drop into your mind.' But it's never really that easy. Thoughts are dominant, whether they are good or bad. Your brain is incredibly powerful. However, it is possible to take gradual steps to gain control of your own mind and worry once again.

Anxiety will have its high and lows. You will have good days and bad days and that's okay. You may go a week or more, feeling amazing and in control. You may suddenly feel like you could never feel as bad as you once did.

But dealing with anxiety and recovering from that consistent panic and worry is not a linear progress. It's going to have it's ups and downs so it's about persevering and trusting yourself. Try not to beat yourself up about it and remember tomorrow is a new day to try all over again.

We will always be our own worst enemy and the one who will give us the hardest time however, that is never going to be productive and only make things worse. Be patient with your mind, reach out for help and know that you are capable of gaining that control back. It just takes time.

....

If you're currently struggling with Anxiety, please make sure to reach out to your GP or local mental health service. There is support out there, it's just about taking that huge step to getting some help.

If you have a story or experience to share regarding your own Anxiety and you're currently a student, check out the Student Minds blog. It's the UK's national student mental health blog and we're always looking for more people to join the team and write for us!

For more information click here or email us at blog@studentminds.org.uk and we'll get back in touch!

# anxiety # help

Wednesday 26 July 2017

Mental Health - The Importance of Supporting Others

lucyRebekahh July 26, 2017 0 Comments

I believe that one of the biggest struggles when it comes to Mental Health is due to embarrassment and the stigma surrounding it. I think the fear of talking about the difficulties can feed into an endless cycle of someone feeling more and more isolated, which can lead to things becoming ten times worse.

This is why I strongly believe that there should be an incredible emphasis placed on the support of others, and not just our own friends and family, strangers too. Being tolerant and accepting of how other people feel and what others are going through, no matter how well you know them can have the most amazing affects on mental health related difficulties.

At University, I volunteer for a charity called Student Minds, whereby we run support sessions for fellow students who have mental health difficulties. We have two support groups; Positive Minds (for low mood and mild depression) and Eating Difficulties.

The idea of these support groups isn't for us to hand out a diagnosis or provide any sort of counselling and instead, it is to provide support and a safe place for people to go to let off a bit of steam. By doing this, it really opened my eyes to how beneficial simply listening to someone can be.

The kind of feedback we received from those who attended the groups was based around how good it felt to have somewhere to turn when they felt most alone. Some would explain how they just couldn't talk to their own friends and family about what they were going through because they didn't understand. Some emphasised how good it felt to talk to like-minded people as they felt less judged. All in all, those who attended came because of the support and because the atmosphere made them feel accepted rather than the odd one out.

It felt amazing to provide something so important for people who felt like they lacked that support beforehand. It really made me aware of the importance of supporting others whether they are your friends, family or complete strangers.

The more we make sure those suffering with mental health difficulties feel included rather than isolated, the better they can begin to feel in themselves. We sometimes don't realise how our own actions and our own words can affect someone else who is going through a tough time.

It's crazy how many times someone has said to me 'I can't tell my friend because they just won't understand' or 'my family just doesn't get it'. It's heartbreaking to hear but I can totally relate to that feeling where it just seems like they couldn't possibly know what you are going through.

Sometimes, this can be inaccurate and it's more due to your own fears of the stigma that lingers in society. A lot of the time your family and friends probably would understand but your own fear of speaking up can prevent them from being able to give you the support. However, for those who are surrounded by people who truly do not understand, it can be incredibly difficult and make things so much worse.

Therefore, if you take anything away from this post, it is that your support and ability to understand is so important. Whether the person is your best friend, brother or even a complete stranger, showing them some empathy and that you are willing to listen if they reach out can make all the difference to their struggles.

Maybe you will be the one to reach out to them and ask how they are doing, or maybe they will show signs that they want to open up to you. Either way, providing them with that safe space and reassurance that even if you don't fully understand you'd never judge them for it, can make a huge positive impact on whatever they are going through.

...

# depression # friends

Tuesday 9 May 2017

Mental Health Awareness Week: Empathy!

lucyRebekahh May 09, 2017 0 Comments

Considering it's mental health awareness week I really wanted to write a post dedicated to such an important topic of conversation. Firstly, it's amazing to have days/weeks like this whereby the time is dedicated to opening up and talking about a topic that is still so heavily stigmatised. It's not just the act of doing something to make a change, it's encouraging the conversations and for it to be talked openly about so people no longer feel so alone.

I read something the other day which really stuck with me and it was frightening how true it really was. The quote read...

'I will never understand why every organ in your body gets support and sympathy when it is ill except for your brain'

It's sad how true and accurate this is. If you have a broken leg or come down with the flu there will be some sort of help immediately present with people around you providing care. In comparison, the moment something is a little out of place in your head, it suddenly becomes something to be embarrassed about and ashamed of. There is the fear of people judging you for being 'pathetic', 'making a fuss' or 'putting it on' and it all comes down to the fact that people just don't understand.

Looking back to my school years, I never remember being educated on mental health and this probably plays a huge influence in why it's so badly misunderstood. If we are not educated in it as children/teenagers and if it is always hidden as though it's something to be ashamed of then soon enough, that's what it all turns into.

I believe that education is the key to kickstart the improvement in mental health as the more people understand, the easier it will be to open up. People will no longer feel ashamed to admit they don't feel okay, just like they aren't ashamed to admit they have the flu. People will no longer feel like they have to suffer in silence and they will soon realise that it is okay to not be okay.

There is support out there (although it still has a long way to go to be as equally accessible), it's just all about taking that brave step to go out and get it.

As part of my volunteering at University, I help run student led support groups for those who feel like they need someone to talk to. We are not trained to give therapy and not there to give advice but we are there to just provide some support. It's a place whereby people can feel safe and secure to not feel alone and vent how they are feeling. I think things like this are such an important first step as not only does it start the conversations but these conversations can be the start of a recovery.

Talking about something with like-minded people or just people who are willing to listen can make all the difference. It can make you feel as though you are no longer alone or make you feel as though you do have someone to turn to in times of need. Therefore, I think it's important to always be open to the conversations.

It can be scary as you may feel as though that person is looking for you to give them the advice and all the answers but you don't need to provide that. All you need to do is be able to listen, it's that simple. By listening you are already making that person feel as though they are not alone. By listening you are already giving them a place where they feel safe and can free themselves of the thoughts that may be consuming their mind for a little while.

Of course you can give them a little guidance of where to go to seek help, as that push may be what they need however, they won't need you to cure them. Just being open to listen and let them know you are always there to do that is the most powerful thing.

Empathy is such a crucial thing when it comes to mental health. In our training this was something that was stressed to us but it is also something that can sometimes get very mixed up with sympathy. Below is an incredibly useful video we were shown which highlights the difference and encourages a way of approaching someone in a way that will prevent them from feeling alone.

I hope this post sheds some light on how easy it is to just be there for someone experiencing a mental health difficulty. Sometimes it can seem quite daunting and I think this may be a reason some people hold back from supporting someone going through it. You can worry about saying the wrong thing or not being able to give them the right advice to make them feel better however, it's much simpler than that. You don't need to have all the answers, you just need to be willing to listen and ensure that person that you are there and that they are not alone.

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(image from: http://www.empowher.com/condition/mental-health)

# anxiety # blogger

Friday 17 March 2017

The Truth About Being a Third Year University Student

lucyRebekahh March 17, 2017 0 Comments

When in first and second year, I heard so many people say how tough third year is however, I never realised how different things would be by this point. University has definitely been a journey but third year has been one in it's own right and below I have made a list of nine truths that I have picked up from it so far.

1. Early nights will be an everyday kind of thing -

Since being in third year I have rarely been able to stay up past midnight. I don't know if it's the earlier mornings or the mental stress that has increased over the years but I am always extremely exhausted by dinner time.

While in first and second year I could easily stay up well into the early hours of the morning but I have now resorted to my elderly self and end up in bed by 10pm.

2. No one prepares you for the stress and pressure you will feel 24/7 -

First year is a breeze, second year is when you start to take things a bit more seriously however, when third year arrives, you'll find yourself having nightmares about the extensive amount of work you have to do.

All of the work you do in third year (minus one module for us) counts towards your degree and therefore, that means you instantly feel the pressure to work hard and get your best grades. However, this doesn't come easily when you have deadlines, exams, a presentation to prepare for, a dissertation to write and volunteering on the side. As you tick things off your 'to do list', you're only adding more things on and it becomes an endless cycle of feeling constantly behind.

3. You will continue to deny the existence of your dissertation for as long as possible -

When you don't have weekly lectures to attend to regarding it and the whole thing is down to your independent scheduling, it is so easy to pretend it doesn't exist. The stress of carrying out a research project, analysing the data and then writing 8,000 words on it, doesn't sound like a lot of fun. Therefore, it becomes a repetitive cycle of pretending you have all the time in the world when instead, the clock is ticking down fast.

4. Your dissertation process is nothing like you expected it to be -

As a Psychology student we carry out a piece of independent research for our dissertation and then produce a write up of it. A huge part of that is obviously the data collection aspect and when I was a first and second year student I thought this would be the super easy however, that is so far from the truth.

Getting participants to take part in your study is a case of begging and pleading people who are reluctant to do it just so you can scrape the target number you put on your ethics. This results in spending a lot of your time wishing you had picked a different idea or chosen a much smaller target sample number.

Unfortunately though as a second year student planning your idea, you were too enthusiastic for the following year to ever understand how much stress you were placing on yourself.

5. Your overdraft will become your best friend -

The idea of going into my overdraft during first or second year was absolutely terrifying and I did everything to ensure I stayed well clear of it. However, fast forward to third year and I have spent the whole of semester 1 and 2 just sitting comfortably in a sea of negative numbers. It no longer feels like the end of the world and just becomes the norm.

6. You will realise that although you have gained a good set of 'adulting' skills - cooking probably isn't one of them -

After a couple of years experience of having to cook for myself, you'd think I'd have the whole cooking thing perfected by now - or near enough anyway. However, it is most definitely the opposite and I feel as though I am getting worse. Although I always have good intensions and tell myself I will follow a real recipe one night, by dinner time I am usually too exhausted to cook anything fancy and opt for something like pasta instead.

7. You will have learned to deal with the most random situations over the three years of living away. Nothing will ever faze you again!

Here are a few personal examples...

1. Using outside as a fridge for a week when our one decided to break on us

2. Finding the biggest slugs sitting under the fridge at night yet not knowing how they got in

3. Having a leak dripping from the kitchen ceiling which was coming straight from the bathroom

4. Having to collect water from a broken washing machine with a beer glass and it taking about 20 trips to and from the sink

5. Constant power cuts due to the mystery electrical item triggering the the main switch

6. Having unwelcoming visits from bed bugs in my friends room and figuring out how to get rid of them

7. Living with eight plus different people within only two semesters - not knowing who will be coming or going next becomes the norm

8. Realising the way to fix a squeaky door is to use hair serum spray!

9. and living in a loud building site throughout an important exam period and still managing to get some of my best grades

8. You will find friends that will last a lifetime -

In my opinion, the key to a successful and happy university experience is finding people who you can share the experience with. When moving away from your family, creating a 'university family' will make getting through those tough times so much easier.

These will be the people you tackle the stress with, learn all the adult skills with and enjoy all the happy times with too. They will be the strangers you met for the first time a few years ago and chances are, you will probably remember that first awkward conversation too! They will feel like a family and as though you have known them all your life and that's because you have experienced some of the most crucial skills and life lessons alongside them.

9. You will look back and realise how much you have changed over the past few years -

One of the biggest things I have gained from attending Uni is confidence.

If I look back at the girl who arrived on her first day of first year, she is far from the person I am now. I have done some things since being here that I never would have done a few years ago and it's given me the confidence to tackle the big and the small hurdles I have faced.

Although third year may be stressful, it is the happiest I have been in a very long time. I feel like I have learned so much and grown as a person over the past few years that I'm much more content and confident in my self and abilities.

There is still a long way to go with a lot of deadlines and exams to complete but all the stress will definitely be worth it on graduation. Alongside being awarded my degree, I will also be able to appreciate and reflect back on all the life skills I have picked up along the way.

♥

# ARU # blogger

Tuesday 24 January 2017

Why any sort of comparison is never healthy!

lucyRebekahh January 24, 2017 0 Comments

Whilst reading some articles for my dissertation, I came across a bit of information about social comparison. It suggested that comparing yourself with your peers is just as likely to have a negative impact on your body image as comparing yourself to media content (such as models/celebrities) does. I then read something that suggested that peers have a stronger effect on body dissatisfaction than a professional model and this is because the 'thin-ideal' is seen as more attainable in someone you know/know of compared to someone in the public eye. In other words, you feel as though you are more likely to be able to look like a friend than you are a model/celebrity.

We're all constantly told that comparing ourselves to images in the media is unhealthy as they are unrealistic and not a true representation of men and women in real life. However, I also think it's so important to stress that comparing ourselves to those around us or friends/people we follow online, is just as unhealthy. Features you pick out about someone else that you claim you want or are striving for, are unrealistic, whether or not that person is a photoshopped model or someone you are friends with on Facebook. Just because you know someone in real life does not make comparing yourself with them, anymore rational than comparing yourself to someone on the TV.

We are all different due to a number of different factors but I think one thing that people tend to forget is that these differences are what cause comparing ourselves to one another, such an unhealthy way of living. You will never have the same body as one of your friends, you will never have hair like the person you follow on twitter and you will never diet and exercise enough to look the same as that girl did in an outfit on Facebook.

We can't compare ourselves to peers and friends around us as much as we can't compare ourselves to the models we see in magazines because they are all unrealistic and unattainable. Your body is the way it is due to your genetics. Yes, you can do certain things to adjust your dress size or copy a hairstyle by getting your own hair cut in that way, but it's never going to be the same as that person you compared yourself to.

You can only reach goals that your own body will allow and if that means you have slightly bigger thighs than someone else you know or if that means your stomach isn't as flat as one of your friends, that's okay because that is how your body was designed to be like. You can work so hard to become someone else and to look like someone else's picture you saw on Facebook however, that's never going to happen.

The moment you stop and realise that by comparing yourself to other people only ends in a cycle of endless misery due to how physically impossible it is to achieve, the moment you'll become so much more content with yourself.

Therefore, comparing yourself to a model in a magazine is just as unhealthy as comparing yourself to family, friends or peers you have on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram is. You are never going to look like that person, you're only ever going to be able to achieve what your body allows you to achieve. So instead of comparing yourself and constantly trying to change everything about you, focus on appreciating the body, face and hair you do have. Focus on the way your body is shaped and only pay attention to yourself when you are setting these goals and aspirations to make a change.

With January being that month where everyone is making resolutions to change themselves, take a step back and really think what goals you are setting. I recently watched a video by Lucy Wood on youtube where she emphasised the issue with New Years Resolutions. She mentioned how once she had proposed her own list, she soon realised that she had just picked out all of her insecurities and was claiming she wanted to change them. I agree with her that resolutions should be more focused around positive goals and should be more realistic in terms of making yourself happy, rather than picking out all of the negative things about yourself and insisting you need to change them.

Remember that when you are making those comparisons with celebrities, people online or your friends that you will never be them and they will never be you. Comparing yourself to other people is irrational because you are striving for something that is unattainable. Instead, be happy with the body and traits you have been given and be grateful instead of picking, comparing and trying to change everything.

(photo credit link is here)

# blogger # body image

Thursday 19 January 2017

Why I'd urge my own children to go to University...

lucyRebekahh January 19, 2017 0 Comments

I know more and more people are now attending University however, I also know there are still a huge amount of people who don't go for their own reasons. I would never force my own children into doing something they don't want to do however, after experiencing University myself, I wouldn't definitely urge them to give it a go and this is why...

Firstly, it has nothing to do with the academic side of things - which I know is the main reason why most people go. I don't care if they were not bothered about getting a degree or if the job they wanted didn't need one either, I would still urge them to try it. The reason for this is more due to the life experience and opportunities they will be presented with over the 3 years. I would urge them to go just so they could experience the independence of living away from home with friends, the experience of living in a brand new city and also the chance to try something new.

From being a countryside girl, living in a tiny village where everyone knows one another, going to University and living in a city was such a huge step. However, it's been the best thing I have ever done and so far has been the best few years of my life.

My original decision to go to uni was based on the fact that I wanted a degree in a subject I love but also because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. However, I have been gaining so much more than another qualification or knowledge of psychology, I have also gained so much life experience. The shy and timid girl I was before, who hated even ordering my own food at a restaurant, is now full of so much confidence and faith in myself that I lacked before. I've noticed it in myself but my family have noticed it in me too and it's a transformation that would not have occurred if I hadn't taken up this opportunity.

So, that is why I would definitely urge my own children to give University a go. It's not just about the education, it's not just about getting that degree, it's about moving away and experiencing something different.... being brave and stepping out of your comfort zone. I know it comes along with the debt (but let's be honest, you never really know it's there due to the way it's all paid back), so even if you're not bothered about a degree, spending 3 years away just for the life experience is more than enough reason to go.

For anyone debating over going to University or feeling nervous at the idea of applying, I felt that exact same way yet it's a few years later and I am so glad that I changed my mind and decided to go.

I've finally found a city that I adore and also made lifelong friends and experienced something I never imagined I would.

It's shaped me into a different person but in the best way possible and I finally feel much more content with where I'm at and the growth I've achieved. Obviously getting that degree and getting to wear that cap and gown is going to be so rewarding at the end of the 3 years however, that won't be the main thing I talk about when sharing my experience. Instead, I'll be focusing on the incredible memories I've made, the funny moments that had me in tears crying and even the most stressful moments where I was on the verge of a breakdown. They are all the key aspects that made my experience what it is and they are all the moments that have helped me grow and become an adult (even though I still don't feel like one), compared to the timid teenager who started a couple of years ago.

I know University isn't for everyone however, what is for everyone is everything else you gain from being apart of that community. Therefore, for that reason, I would definitely urge my own children to give it ago but also anyone else who has ever let that thought cross their mind.

I say take the opportunity and let it carry you in all sorts of directions you never imagined you would go in.

# advice # ARU